SUN 12/05/04
ON TWO /COMMUNITIES & NEIGHBORHOODS /A helping hand in times of loss /Organization assists families with arranging and paying for lovedones' burials
By MIKE SNYDER
Staff
When Michele Lara started working in the funeral
industry in the mid-1990s, she noticed that many families had
difficulty paying for services and burials. And when she looked
around for organizations to help these families, she couldn't
find any. So in August 1997, Lara founded the 3 "A" Bereavement Foundation,
which provides counseling, financial aid and other services to
families who need help burying their loved ones. Lara said she was
surprised when her research turned up no other groups with the same
mission. "The Lord led me to this once I saw the need," Lara said. When families contact Lara or her assistant, Barbara Mayfield, they
are struggling with difficult decisions about service and burial
arrangements while coping with the grief of losing a loved one.
Some clients have postponed burials for weeks while they try to
come up with the necessary money. "By the time they get to us, they are desperate," Lara said. She often accompanies family members to the initial conference with
the funeral home staff. Caught up in their emotions, relatives often choose the most
expensive caskets or elaborate services, Lara said. She gently
guides them toward more practical choices. "We try to keep them in a cost range where we'll be able to help
them or they can get assistance from a family member or a friend,"
Lara said. "We help them select the services where they will all
feel good about it at the end." The three "A"s in the group's name stand for assist, arrange and
accompany. Mary Scalise has turned twice to 3 "A" Bereavement for help - first
when a co-worker's 6-year-old nephew drowned in 2001, and again
last March when the biological mother of Scalise's former foster
daughter died. Scalise said she had heard about the bereavement organization from
colleagues at Casa de Esperanza, a social service agency where she
works. The child who drowned, Cesar de Jesus Barrios, was visiting from
Mexico with his family, who had no money for his funeral or burial,
Scalise said. Lara said 3 "A" Bereavement helped the child's family arrange the
services and paid for them. Scalise called on Lara again this year when she learned of the
sudden death of Kelly Casteel. Scalise had been a foster parent to Casteel's daughter, Kristyn,
now 9, a few years earlier. Kristyn was returned to her mother's care in 2000, Scalise said,
and they enjoyed a strong relationship until Casteel's death from
an aneurysm. Court-appointed attorneys for Kristyn and her siblings wanted to
have Casteel cremated, Scalise said, but she felt that a
traditional burial was needed. So she asked Lara to help make the
arrangements. "I think it was very important to those kids, and it became
important to Michele, that they have that closure," said Scalise,
who has since adopted Kristyn. Another client, Carmen Covington, said she was "kind of in shock"
when she contacted 3 "A" Bereavement after her daughter's death.
The body of Angela Sue Richers, 44, was found in a Houston motel
room July 5. Police said it appeared she had been struck on the
head and had numerous bruises. Lara helped Covington fill out an application to a state fund that
assists crime victims' families with funeral expenses. Although
Covington says she believes her daughter was murdered, the death
was ruled an accidental drug overdose, and Covington's application
to the crime victims' fund was denied. Covington and Lara are working on an appeal. "They've been there for me whenever I was upset," Covington said of
Lara and Mayfield. "I don't know what I would have done without
them." Many clients express gratitude for the organization's emotional
support, including five hours of free grief counseling. When its funds are low, Lara said, 3 "A" Bereavement is sometimes
unable to provide financial help to families who ask for it. But it
always provides help in arranging services. As the organization's work has become better known, it has
attracted funding from a variety of donors including foundations,
churches and health care organizations. "One of the basic needs is that a family is able to bury a loved
one with respect," she said. "It's a very rewarding feeling to know
that you've served a family." ............ HELP FOR THE GRIEVING From 1997 through 2003, the 3 "A" Bereavement
Organization: Assistance: Helped more than 1,100 families. Expenses: Provided more than $117,000 to offset burial and
funeral costs, and helped families receive more than $250,000 from
state crime victims' fund and other agencies. Support: Provided more than 200 hours of group and individual
counseling.
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